The Pennzoil Plus/Schlotzsky’s Deli Great Tibetan Manhunt/Pastrami Round Up of 09!

We are proud to announce an event unprecedented in OGFWBTSMBKP history! For the first time ever, our charity - renowned for working exclusively with the most socially disadvantaged two people on earth - has decided to relax our lofty admission standards and welcome a new member under our wing!

Who? We don't know!

Because the number of our benefactors has dipped below acceptable levels, we need to find viable candidates for aid, and fast! So with a little financial help from the good folks at Pennzoil (a name you can trust in automotive and marine lubricants!) and Schlotzsky’s Deli (a name you can trust in automotive and marine lubricants!), we are orchestrating a meticulous, worldwide manhunt for any and all persons suitable for aid!

To make the search a bit more fruitful, WE ARE SUSPENDING ALL NON-GENETIC ADMISSION REQUIREMENTS! While Celiac disease and being Tibetan are both hereditary in nature, all of our other criteria can be duplicated, induced, or otherwise arranged! That means that even if you don’t meet all of our requirements right away, we will work with you to make sure you qualify before your induction into the OGFWBTSMBKP family!

Why, even if you’re a Gluten-Free, Bipedal, Tibetan Married Woman of No Kids for War, you are still eligible! All you need is an open mind, a willingness to sign ominous documents, and a penchant for being exploited by a bunch of rich westerners who want to feel better about themselves!

And, to sweeten the deal, mention the Pennzoil Plus/Schlotzsky’s Deli Great Tibetan Manhunt/Pastrami Round Up of 09 at any participating Schlotzsky’s Deli and receive a delicious Angus Pastrami on Rye sandwich for only OFFER NOT VALID*! Who knew having a heart could taste so good!

We’re hoping to find a suitable candidate within a few month’s time, and to help meet that goal, our old friend and tireless supporter, John Oates (a name you can trust in automotive and marine lubricants), has agreed to put on a free concert if we find a new member by March 8^th, to commemorate International Women’s Day!

So keep your eyes peeled and your hearts open, and don’t forget, when you’re biting into your delicious Angus Pastrami on Rye, tell ‘em the Tibetan Manhunters** sent ya!

*Only at participating Schlotzsky’s Delis. Schlotzsky’s Deli’s parent company, Focus Brands, is not cognizant and does not endorse this endorsement. Any and all discounts provided are purely coincidental.

**The OGFWBTSMBKP is not associated with the actual Tibetan Manhunters Organization, or the affiliated Laotian Wifeswappers Society.