ATTENTION IMPAIRED ETHNIC SINGLE MOTHERS!

This is the official blog of the Organization for Gluten-Free Wheelchair-Bound Tibetan Single Mothers of Blind Kids for Peace, a philanthropic collective dedicated to helping two bold women brave their way through a sexist, racist, intolerant, handicap-inaccessible, wheat-filled world.

We're currently accepting applications for aid recipients.

If you are a woman aged 20-35 of Tibetan nationality (Sorry, persons merely of Tibetan descent are not eligible), afflicted with celiac disease, are currently or will in the near future be crippled, have a child between the ages of 2 and 10 with a visual acuity of less than 3/60 whom you are raising without assistance from a spouse or significant other, and take a strong stance against the war in Iraq, contact us online or through our mailing address, and we will put your application up for review.

If selected, you may be eligible to receive aid from our internationally renowned group of absurdly wealthy socialites who desperately need something to ease their sizable white guilt.

Also, look for us on Facebook and Twitter!

The Sherpanopticon 1

The Sherpanopticon 1 is a state-of-the-art stealth spy plane recently purchased from the less-official elements of the Russian armed services! Re-purposed from an implement of carnage to help our friends on the internet keep tabs on our beloved aid recipients, the Sherpanopticon 1 is outfitted with optical surveillance equipment for every conceivable situation. Night vision, day vision - all the bases are covered!




Currently scheduled for approximately two dozen daily fly-overs, the Sherpanopticon 1 brings you the very latest in up-to-the-minute invasiveness! High-quality digital photographs, streaming one-second videos, and high power thermal imaging for those pesky walls and structures! The Sherpanopticon 1 is the ultimate way to keep tabs on your favorite disadvantaged Tibetan single mothers!

Chogyal Jamyang

Walking-inspiration-to-the-human-race Chogyal Jamyang, and her irate son Dorjee, were among our very first brave souls to qualify for aid. Chogyal is one of our two long-running aid recipients, and the only one of the two who refrained from scolding us on a semi-regular basis. A truly wonderful person who accepts the daily struggles of her life with grace and nobility. Her son, though, is an asshole. Go eat a dick, Dorjee.

The Pennzoil Plus/Schlotzsky’s Deli Great Tibetan Manhunt/Pastrami Round Up of 09!

We are proud to announce an event unprecedented in OGFWBTSMBKP history! For the first time ever, our charity - renowned for working exclusively with the most socially disadvantaged two people on earth - has decided to relax our lofty admission standards and welcome a new member under our wing!

Who? We don't know!

Because the number of our benefactors has dipped below acceptable levels, we need to find viable candidates for aid, and fast! So with a little financial help from the good folks at Pennzoil (a name you can trust in automotive and marine lubricants!) and Schlotzsky’s Deli (a name you can trust in automotive and marine lubricants!), we are orchestrating a meticulous, worldwide manhunt for any and all persons suitable for aid!

To make the search a bit more fruitful, WE ARE SUSPENDING ALL NON-GENETIC ADMISSION REQUIREMENTS! While Celiac disease and being Tibetan are both hereditary in nature, all of our other criteria can be duplicated, induced, or otherwise arranged! That means that even if you don’t meet all of our requirements right away, we will work with you to make sure you qualify before your induction into the OGFWBTSMBKP family!

Why, even if you’re a Gluten-Free, Bipedal, Tibetan Married Woman of No Kids for War, you are still eligible! All you need is an open mind, a willingness to sign ominous documents, and a penchant for being exploited by a bunch of rich westerners who want to feel better about themselves!

And, to sweeten the deal, mention the Pennzoil Plus/Schlotzsky’s Deli Great Tibetan Manhunt/Pastrami Round Up of 09 at any participating Schlotzsky’s Deli and receive a delicious Angus Pastrami on Rye sandwich for only OFFER NOT VALID*! Who knew having a heart could taste so good!

We’re hoping to find a suitable candidate within a few month’s time, and to help meet that goal, our old friend and tireless supporter, John Oates (a name you can trust in automotive and marine lubricants), has agreed to put on a free concert if we find a new member by March 8^th, to commemorate International Women’s Day!

So keep your eyes peeled and your hearts open, and don’t forget, when you’re biting into your delicious Angus Pastrami on Rye, tell ‘em the Tibetan Manhunters** sent ya!

*Only at participating Schlotzsky’s Delis. Schlotzsky’s Deli’s parent company, Focus Brands, is not cognizant and does not endorse this endorsement. Any and all discounts provided are purely coincidental.

**The OGFWBTSMBKP is not associated with the actual Tibetan Manhunters Organization, or the affiliated Laotian Wifeswappers Society.

First Annual Benefit Concert for the Survivors of the First Annual Vodka Box Social and Pie Fight for Charity

The First Annual Benefit Concert for the Survivors of the First Annual Vodka Box Social and Pie Fight for Charity will be held January 2nd in San Diego's beautiful FunYun Dome.

The event will be a solemn occasion, a tribute to those lost, maimed, or irreparably pied during our disastrous November fund-raising effort. We will not only pay homage to the fallen, but also look down the long, bumpy road ahead for those still recovering from the physical, emotional, and spiritual scars left by the violence.

Therapy pamphlets will be available, rubber wristbands honoring the event will be on sale (in a lovely shade of lavender, touchingly inscribed: "Never Forget ~ Pie"), and a Trust Circle and Group Hug-in will be held for our more photogenic attendees. Sorry, but no one likes to see ugly people cry.

The event proper will begin at 1:00pm, with a slide-show memorializing our lost friends and contributors. The families of the deceased will be in attendance, so please, we urge everyone to try and avoid clapping louder for the more popular and accomplished members of the dearly departed.

And then, what better way to help the recently traumatized recuperate than a little old-fashioned, 90-decibel, rock n' roll!

The OFGWBTSMBKP will rock the shit out of some gimped-up mofos, when a cavalcade of music's brightest stars open up their hearts and entertain our brave survivors, or those who contributed the minimum $7500 Gold Member amount to gain admittance.

Performers will include local rap phenom-to-be, J. B*tchslap, sitcom theme composer Albert Walter Long, the surviving members of legendary INXS cover band INXS-able, 80's New Wave sensation Red Death, and, of course, our dear friend and generous contributor, Mr. John Oates.

John will lead us all in a group prayer for those still with us, and a four-minute moment of silence for those who are not. After which, get ready to be Dick-rolled, as pop mega-wonder Rick Astley's brother, Dick Astley, takes to the stage for a medley of his brother's rockingest chart-topping hits!

It promises to be an evening of tears, cheers, laughs, and dreams, so join us, and open your hearts and wallets to those in need of your support. Continue to give, continue to dream. Namaste.